your wish is my command
I know that you were taught that honesty is the best policy and all that crap, but you should have also been taught manners and compassion and, hell, just plain common courtesy.
And I hate to have to be the one to break it to you,
coming over to me while I am browsing in your store and telling me that, "Obseyo! You LARGEY SIZE-A,"
doesn't even come close to any of the virtues I mentioned above.
I KNOW WHAT FLIPPIN' FLYIN' SIZE I AM, AND IF I SAY THIS WILL FIT ME, I DO NOT WANT TO ARGUE WITH YOU AND HAVE YOU PAT ME DOWN SO THAT YOU CAN "MEASURE" ME!
Just take my damn money, smile at me and suggest buying one in another color as well, and talk behind my back when I leave the store.
because, really, 12 unreturned phone calls doesn't give you just a HINT that I don't want to talk to you????
Why am I doing this again???
So what's been up with you this week?
New Career Choice
You'll be so proud of his new choice.
J will be so jealous.
Can you guess what his new job is?
Yes, so proud.
The most generous severance package they are offering, Raymond wont get. "Why?" you ask, because they changed their offer. They had said if you stayed working until April 30th, then you would receive the severance package. If you were leaving for a job, not out of spite, before April 30th, then they would make the decision based on your situation. Now they must have decided it would cost them too much money so they have changed it to "Kiss my ass, you're not getting a dime out of us". If you leave the job for ANY reason, before they officially let you go, then you DO NOT receive any money. The shop will stay open till sometime in September, to finish disassembling the shop, packing up all the tools and shipping all the machines out. Which of course they will want Raymond to be there for since he's maintenance. If he doesn't stay until then, the end of summer and job hunting season, then he gets nothing. They expect him to work till the end and then have no job to go to.
They are also looking for anything they can to start firing guys, so they don't have to pay. If you're late for work, you're fired. If you take a day off to go to an interview, and it wasn't previously approved, you're fired. If they say you're not productive enough, you're fired.
And the best, they expect the guys to keep production going at top speed, They don't want anyone to leave for other job yet because then they wont have enough operators to keep the machines going, they don't want the maintenance staff to leave because no one will be there to fix the machines. They still expect the guys to give up there weekend when they're on call to rush in and repair whatever is broken. Like the title says YGTBFKM!!!!!!.
Okay. So...you walk around telling everyone how fat you are (and she is) and complaining about not being able to lose the baby (he's a year old now, and you're twenty pounds heavier than when you delivered!) weight, but do you do anything about it???
But, since we, your not-exactly-friends-but-more-compatriots, are sick of hearing how much you weigh, we will be kind (read: stupid) enough to invite you along for a walk. Which will go something like this:
(in a whiney tone) How far are we walking, anyway?
Oh, my knees hurt so bad.
Oh, I'm so hungry.
Hey--can we stop to eat?
Oops, I didn't bring any money. Can I borrow some?
It's kind of cold don't you think?
Does this mean we have to walk all the way back, too?
I won't be able to walk for days after this.
I'm going to have to soak in the bath tonight.
Wait up, you guys.
Oh, my knees.
You know, I have bad knees.
(I think you get the point.)
For the record...
this poor, starving girl with the bad knees is,
wait for it,
twenty years old. That's right, boys and girls, 20.
AND she ate non-stop during the entire walk
WHICH wasn't more than a couple of miles
at a SNAIL'S PACE because we had to keep stopping for her to complain and whine and rub her knees and eat.
We even walked through the city which means that we had to stop at the end of each block for the traffic lights...not to mention fighting the other hundred people walking the sidewalks with us.
Seriously, Can You Be That Stupid (SCYBTS) #2
Okay, I know that I just took a turn at our new game. But after I finish, my phone starts ringing...incessantly...and I think, IT'S MY TURN! IT'S MY TURN! And even though I just had a turn, the rules state that you can take as many turns in a row as you like and/or need. And so, for my next turn, I introduce
Danielle can, and probably will, have many places on our list. Let's start with the first one that comes to mind, shall we?!?
If you call me, and let the phone ring, say, oh...FOURTEEN TIMES, and I don't answer it, and then call back, maybe, THIRTY SECONDS LATER and do the same thing, and I still don't answer,
WHY ARE YOU CALLING YET A THIRD TIME? REALLY? WHY???
Me not answering during the first forty rings means one of two things:
1. I'm busy
2. I don't want to talk to you
So now, if you DO succeed in getting me to answer the phone, you're going to hear one of two things:
1. I'm busy, and I'm pissed that you can't figure that out and are bothering me
2. I don't want to talk to you, and I'm pissed that you can't figure that out and are bothering me
caller ID is a good thing!
going back to my happy place now
one, two, three
hana, tul, set
il, i, sam,
ich, ni sam,
ein, zwei, drei,
uno, dos, tres,
posts today. With more to come, even. Why, you ask? Am I being lazy again? No, indeed! Doctor #1 was called to some mysterious helping-with-the-patients thing. Doctor #2 called and said he is drunk and would like to cancel our lesson. That's right. I said drunk. I only hope he is also cancelling his helping-with-the-patients things and not just our English lesson. Oh, and here's the funny part--Doctor #2, the drunk one...yeah, he's an addiction counselor...and his specialty is alcoholism. hahahahaha!
so I'm hoping that J's my-wife-has-freetime radar doesn't kick in and that I will actually get to have, gasp, free time. A little, anyway. I do still have class this afternoon. But my morning is free. So I have posted...
(how many ?)
posts so far, and am going to try to locate the camera and get some of the pictures up, too. (say it together, now...YEA!!!)
go back two posts and start there. Now. Go.
Oh, yeah--love you!
What Part of This Did You Not Understand (WPOTDYNU) #1
Joe is the "gentleman" that adopted Freckles last week for his wife. I had sent him a message the day before asking how Freckles was doing because I had already called once to check on the puppy and didn't want to seem...crazy. I figured a message was less crazy.
Joe: Hi, K, it's Joe. How're ya doin?
M: Great. How are you?
J: Good, good. Hey, I got your message yesterday. Sorry I didn't get back to you. I was busy. I meant to, but I just got busy.
M: No problem. I understand. I don't mean to bother you. I know you're taking good care of him. I just wondered how he was doing and if he was being good for you.
J: Oh, he's great! We love him so much! And his name is Rocky now. We were going to call him Mocha, but then my wife decided to call him Rocky. And he's just the greatest little puppy. My niece came over, and she loved him. We're just so in love with Rocky.
M: So he's being good, then, and adjusting okay?
J: Oh, yeah. He plays. My wife is just so happy. Rocky sleeps with her at night. She's just really in love with him.
J: So, anyway, we had a conversation last night, and if it's okay with you, I'll bring him back to you early tomorrow morning on my way to work, maybe around 7:20, before she gets any more attached to him.
J: Well, she just didn't realize that she'd have to clean up dog hair, and she doesn't want more work, so we'd better bring him back before she's even more attached to him. So tomorrow morning will be okay with you?
Imagine that?! A dog might, just might, have hair. AND some of that hair might, just might, fall off. Yes, I can see the confusion there. What's more, I can see how a woman with no children and no job who stays home all day might, just might, find it frustrating to pick a hair off her freshly-painted fingernails and then have to remove all her polish and start over again because she has NOTHING BETTER TO DO!!
After her husband dropped Freckles off, I hope he drove her to the doctor and had her tubes tied because if a couple of puppy hairs broke her, a baby would be a bad, bad thing.
I'm often accused of living in my own little world. What do I say to that? Yes, yes, I do! And why?! Because this world, the so-called "real" one, is filled with morons and people who have no clue and who do things that really annoy me and challenge my ability to act like the genteel, civilized person that I am. And so I have created my own happy place in which kindness and courtesy are the norm, and idiocy and rudeness are punishable by death.
(Besides, in my world, calories really do run out the middle if you break a cookie in half, skinny women are to be pitied for no man can find their frail, bony frames desireable, and men "get it.")
even though I spend as much time as possible inside my alternate universe, I must, on occasion, visit this other, harsher, plane of existence.
And I don't like it.
So I've decided to invent a game. And I thought you might like to play along. I haven't quite come up with the right title yet. Some ideas I'm kicking around are:
Why I Hate People
Why People Suck
Why Dementia is Better Than Reality
Get A Clue (Before I Shoot You)
Ten Isn't High Enough; I'd Better Count To A Million
Please Go Away. Now.
Seriously, Can You Be That Stupid?!
What Part of This Did You Not Understand?
These are just some of the names I'm considering. Please feel free to add your own suggestions to the list and offer comments on the ones I've listed.
I think the title suggestions pretty well explain the concept of the game. We'll just take turns saying why people, well, make us want to hurt them. But unlike other games, you can take as many turns in a row as you like, or skip a while and come back later. So I invite you to play along with me. Ready??